Bitter Swyt Memory

He said, he didn't feel like talking to me, and I have to understand that. He loves me and the reason he gives me to marry is not enough for me. He thinks I am not a good person. I am not understanding person , why would he marry me right. The reason, I understood before  is he explained things to me Now, what happened is he didn't explain and tell me anything. We don't communicate and I got so worried and all the negative though ate my head and then I thought of going out from relationship, leave him behind. "He tells me he just didn't feel like talking to me" What the fuck is that I am supposed to understand that if he could have told me it before. guess if I  have known what's going or he just didn't feel like talking to me. I am not gonna get emotional and all into it, but now  I want to scold and shout and go angry on him for that matter, I am not gonna do it. So now my decision was giving him the time he wants. I am not sure if ...

I tried to make him happy. The way he said  he was in a miserable life, I tried to keep him out of that life, thought I was making him happy, but in the process of making him happy.I  lost my self my life was difficult. I was wasting my life. He have to think about me also, I believe , I am the one who is gonna take him out of that life. He keep on telling me, please help me. Take  me away from this, but I wonder, is it ever true. The things he do make me doubt that statement. Do he really want to be saved or not. He might actually want to be in that , I have no idea he does not convince me enough. Anyway this day , I did not want it to end like that , but that was a day some how I felt so not to  my self and want to him to help me out. I wanted to see him and wanted to talk to him sent many message saying " i miss you" I felt like I was acting like helpless person. its just I want to talk to him. I didn't think he will ignore me after all those messages....

I have gone so far in this relationship. I think of his wife and the coming child.  Do I have right to snap their happiness? DO she deserve that? Sure he need a mature good life. According to him his wife is not good that's why he need another woman in his life, but is it right. People get divorce when they have kids, but is it right. My friends look at me in a judgmental way.  Other do i, t people tells me don't  jump in to a situation which you don't knew how depth it is.

Guy 1:  Loves me , cares for me , Can spend hours listening to me , makes me happy  - drug user Guy 2: Loves me , will do anything to be with me , to see my face , to hold me  - drug user Guy 3: Loves me , wants me but married , he does not know how to show care and have a bad habit.     These three guys are different to each another I was looking for thing I saw from first 2 guys to be in the third guy. But I can not  explain my self. It seems like he does not wants to listen to me , I am not complaining ,am just saying what I feel and what I think .First of all its his responsibility to correct my thinking and giving me assurances  if that thinking is regarding him . But no his does not comfort me in any situation in any way. When he came to visit me I got upset and I was feeling very down , he told me he didn't come here to see my fucked up face or comfort me when I am sad or upset ( now i am think what a retarded person is he) ...

In 2013 I decided to put  this blog down , but now I feel like renewing it. I want to write about stories and thoughts crosses my mind.  Even though I closed this blog, I was writing bitter sweet memories in a piece of paper and kept them. Than in this year I thought why don't I put them out there to people to read and share it.  Well, people might not be interested but who cares right. its just thoughts and memories of a person. So here it goes .........